westfallcorndog | Cinema Theory (Tagging Amelia)

Harrow is quick to nod at her last question. "It makes sense. It makes perfect sense."

He sighs quickly and shakes his head then. "I'm gonna tell you some stuff, but first I gotta say... Amelia... It ain't my place to say whether or not you should be with someone. I can help you look at the good stuff and the bad stuff, but there ain't nothin' worse than someone else tellin' you your romance shouldn't be. I've had it happen to me. I've had it wreck somethin' wonderful. So I ain't gonna say that.

"And, listen, Amelia. You might not believe it, but I do know how terrible it feels to love someone who can't say they love you back. How fuckin' embarrassing, and painful, and shitty, and lonely it feels to tell someone you love 'em with all your heart, and they can't return that love. Don't think just 'cause I am the way I am, I don't get it. I'm older than I look, and I know some stuff about bein' human. I definitely know a lot about makin' mistakes. And these're just my opinions, and my perspective, and you can tell me to fuck right off and I ain't gonna be hurt. And with all that outta the way, here's what I think."

A brief pause for a gathering breath.

"It sounds to me like Viatorus is a good friend. And maybe, since, like you said, you got a... Prickly personality... You ain't used to havin' friends. You ain't used to anyone bein' as close to you as he is. It feels good when you're around him. It feels free, and you can be yourself. And he's a sweet young man who's got a lotta sympathy for all kinds of different folks. But romantic love and the love between two friends is very different love, Amelia. Romantic love is somethin' that happens after you pursue romance. You live together, work together, grow yourselves together and discover who you are for good and for bad. You date, you get in disagreements, you struggle through flaws and obstacles.

"Now, like I said, I ain't here to tell you you're wrong about what you feel, but... Have you done any of that with him? Is it possible the love you feel for him is the admiration and devotion you feel for a kind and carin' friend? Would you know the difference if you felt it?"

"Not all worlds allow for dating, Harrow. On mine, there's no such thing. You can woo someone with tokens of affection from afar, speak to them often, but most of the time? That happens after your marriage has already been arranged. There's no concept of casually seeing someone to figure out if they're the right one for you. Either you sense something when you first meet and get to know each other, likely over a nice dinner with both families, or you don't. If it's too awkward for all involved, and the match doesn't boast a net gain for all involved, then it doesn't happen. There might be times when you meet someone completely independent of all of that and fall in love with them, but there's still no dating. A marriage is arranged in short order if both parties involved feel they can make a life together and both families agree."

She has no idea about the dinner Harrow, Steve, and Viatorus all sat through together while they were swapped. This is just how things are where she's from.

"As for friends... I admit I haven't had many, but I have enough to know the difference between what I feel for a friend and what I feel for Viatorus. I've worked through struggles with several friends, had arguments with them, and had good times with them. We've laughed, we've cried, we've shared things we'd rather keep to ourselves. I've learned a lot about them, and they about me. But I've never sat down for an afternoon and done something as simple and enjoyable as watching movies with someone other than Viatorus and felt like I got something more... out of... it..."

As she trails off, she focuses on some of the distant trees, as if running through something in her head. And then, it hits her. That movie day with Viatorus. The intimate act of talking about all kinds of things that only people very close to each other share, all while enjoying movies, chocolate, popcorn, and wine... Her eyes widen in horror for a moment before she covers her face, having gone completely red again.

That was a date.

"Fuck. Fuck. Oh no. This... this is bad. Oh, fuck, Isidor is going to kill me."

Harrow listens to Amelia's speech with total impassivity. Now and then his eyes glance sideways as if he were considering what he's hearing, but it's impossible to tell what he's actually feeling. His cigarette runs down to its filter and he stamps it out in the snow, then lights himself another one. Just as he sets away his lighter she has her unexpected epiphany.

"Probably," he says without fully grasping the conclusion she's come to. "But I thought you said you worked an agreement out with her? And, hey. She hasn't killed me yet after what I did to him, so I figure you got a good chance of livin'." He scoff-laughs. Yikes. Well, that's not the subject, is it?

"So what's the deal? Why's she gonna kill ya?"

"We did. We're fine. But I... I figured out that I... That we..." She stamps her foot on the ground and throws her arms down with the same motion. "FUCK!"

It takes a few moments for her to regain her composure. "That day... where he invited me to his apartment in his world to watch movies, it could... in some ways... be considered a..." She looks around quickly before lowering her voice. "...a date..."

Harrow scrubs his hands around his cheeks.

"Or," he says slowly, sighing. "Since you don't date, and somethin' tells me he don't date, it coulda been an innocent, big-hearted kid bringin' his friend over to share somethin' he likes. If it was a date, wouldn't he have said? Wouldn't he have been the one to kiss you?"

Another sigh, this one long and heavy. "Amelia, it's a hard place to be in, and I know you wanna hear that he mighta been doin' it because he loves you. But wasn't he the one to say it couldn't be? Why would he have led you on if it couldn't be, Amelia? Do you think he's that cruel? Or just that oblivious? And if he's oblivious, is it fair to come onto him? All nobility and rules and all that shit aside... He's naive, Amelia. Like a child. I love him dearly, and I mean no disrespect, but he don't know human interaction from a hand grenade. The whole wide world outside his doors might as well be brand new to him."

His fingers pinch the bridge of his nose and he shakes his head. "Don't... Don't listen to me. I'm bein' all cynical and negative, and I said I wouldn't. Just... Damn, Amelia, now you got me all into this and thinkin' about the consequences and all'a that shit. Someone ain't comin' outta this unhurt."

Pausing, he clarifies quietly, "You ain't a fool or nothin'. Don't beat yourself up. You two're just... In a sad situation. I don't mean no disrespect."

"No, you don't get it." She sighs in a frustrated manner. "I don't think he's leading me on and I certainly don't want to lead him on, either." Beat. "It wasn't a date. We never called it that. And I don't want it to be a date either. But if someone were to take my feelings into account when thinking about it, they could call it a date. And that's bad. Isidor would kill me for that."

She starts pacing again and when she speaks, her voice is low and somber.

"I don't want him to get hurt by this. If anyone gets hurt, I want it to be me. This is all my fault and I don't want him to have to deal with the consequences of my actions." There's that martyr complex of hers again. Only this time, she's thought through what all of this means. A thoughtful frown plays at her lips as she stops pacing. "He deserves a chance at happiness with whomever his family chooses for him. It won't be me. It... it can't be me, given my lack of magic. So I'll do whatever it takes to make sure he has it. And if anything goes wrong, I'll be making damn sure that I'm the one who takes the fall in the end."

Harrow lowers his eyebrows and crosses his arms while he listens to more frustrations from Amelia and tries not to take it personally when once again she's saying he doesn't get it.

"It happened in the past, right? This was before you spoke to Isidor? So I don't think anything bad's gonna happen. I don't think she's one to dwell on the past so long as you do what she likes in the future. She forgave me for my mistakes and acted real gracious when we went to her family's mansion after that whole business with Doctor Hill. She might be serious, and she might have a hard role to play, but she ain't a total hard-ass, and she ain't evil."

He runs his hands through his hair even as he keeps his arms crossed before his chest.

"So your world's cut off... Your romance is cut off... Damn, Amelia. I think what you need is a job. Not even a hard job, just... Somethin' to keep your hands and mind busy. Somethin' other than bein' Viatorus's new dedicated emotional bodyguard. You gotta focus on your own life for a while, girl. Otherwise you'll turn into the pinin' knight in love with the prince she can't have, and I'll tell you what, that's gonna hurt more than anything."

He rubs his chin as if feeling for stubble, but of course his face will never be any rougher than it is.

"Give it a week or two, then ask him out for a friendly afternoon. Go to a library, go visit a park. Maybe bring a friend along so it don't feel too romantic. Learn how to feel like a friend again around him. This romantic hill's a hard one to climb, I know, but some day – soon, I hope – you'll reach the top and suddenly you'll realize that you really are happy with the way things are."

Edited 2016-03-02 14:54 (UTC)

The idea of focusing on herself is terrifying. Taking the time to think about these things, to give them time to fully sink in? Nope. Not wanted one bit. A job, however, seems like a fantastic way to focus on others rather than herself. "Not sure where to start looking for a new job, but I suppose that's half the battle in this new place, isn't it?"

Harrow's suggestion of a 'friendly' afternoon gets a raised eyebrow. Seems he had a similar thought to once she'd had earlier during her meeting with Isidor. "I was going to talk to him about doing something for his birthday in a few weeks, actually. Nothing too exciting, but I thought that, if he's okay with it, maybe we could get a few people together to celebrate over dinner after that? Isidor says he's never celebrated his birthday with friends before, and I think it might be a good distraction from all of the terrible things that have happened recently."

"A birthday!" Harrow hauls himself up from the snow once again, smiling for the first time since the terrible topic of romance grew up like a spring weed. "I love birthdays! I always used to help my mom set 'em up for my brothers and sisters. Would you let me help you plan? 'Cause I could really use a chance to make some stuff up to him, and I think I know some good places to hold it!"

He elbows Amelia in the side and with an eager smile says, "I think I know some jobs you could take too!"

"I... honestly have no idea what people do for friends on their birthdays, so help planning something would be lovely." She smiles lightly. "I don't want anything too big or fancy, though. Isidor says that's the sort of thing he's used to with family and that it might be overwhelming. Something small seems good. No more than a dozen people at most?" A tall order, given she has no idea how many people know and like Viatorus, but she really doesn't want him to get overwhelmed by this. "And that's only if he agrees to the idea, of course. I'm sure I can talk him into it, though." Because talking people into things is one of the few things she's good at.

The ribbing comes as a shock as she wasn't paying enough attention to Harrow while working through her thoughts on Viatorus' birthday party. She puts a hand on his elbow and firmly pushes it away. Come on, Harrow, you know better. "If you have any leads, I'd be willing to look into them."

He'd completely forgotten that she is a person with a personal bubble, so her push comes as a little surprise. He smiles apologetically and nods at being reminded and doesn't push the issue. Besides, there are better issues to push.

"Man, you don't just tell someone that we're havin' a birthday party for 'em! You gotta surprise 'em! That way if it's bad, they don't get their hopes up, and if it's good it's really, really good. He'll be so excited when all his friends are there and he didn't expect us! Unless you think it'll be too much and he'll cry? But I think the surprise'll be good for him. Not a jump-scare kinda surprise, y'know, just... The gift of his pals. Right?"

Then, without giving Amelia time to reply, he dives right into the next subject. "You oughta go check with Naugus! Wizards always need helpers around their towers, and I hear he's got a whole lotta work goin' on. Maybe even some cool adventure stuff?"

"Surprise someone with a party...?" That's... different. "I'm not sure I would want to do that to him. It might..." She pauses, her lips drawing into a thin line. "I don't want to scare him. I think it would be best he knows what's coming. No sense in overwhelming him when it's supposed to be a joyful celebration." That's a very polite way of saying 'are you crazy?' She gives a small, reassuring smile, though. "I'm sure I can convince him to come, though."

The mention of Naugus makes her go pale, but brings a raging fire to her eyes. "If that gremlin offers me anything ever again, I will tear him limb from limb. His magic be damned - I will not stand to be close to him." Her hands clench into tight fists at her sides. Fuck, Naugus. Seriously.

"Grem–?!" Wow! Harrowheart had no idea Amelia had such ire for the man! He's taken aback by her sudden threats and stares at her in surprise before a slow frown forms on his face.

"Amelia," he says, "This is a new lesson for me in life, but I'm learnin' that if you don't go around tellin' folks you're gonna dismember 'em, things tend to go a lot smoother. Especially since Viatorus and Naugus are friends, from what I been told. Would you talk that way about his friends around him? Would you tell him you're gonna cut folks' limbs off? 'Cause I saw the way he acted when I said I was gonna gut someone in front of him, and somehow I don't think he'd appreciate that kinda talk."

"So I don't mention it to him and avoid Naugus at the party. Problem solved." She shrugs half-heartedly. It seems an easy solution. "Naugus and I have never had a civil relationship. If anyone expects us to act that way, they've never heard us speak of one another."

She won't make a scene. Not at Viatorus' party. If need be, she'll leave and apologize to the scholar later. It's the closest thing to a good solution as she can come up with that doesn't include not inviting Naugus.

Harrow shrugs casually and tilts his head just slightly. "Or maybe you could try and work it out with him? I know he ain't always the easiest guy to see eye to eye with – I mean, apparently. He and I always got along, but Jim said that whole bodyswappin' thing with him was a real chore. But, listen. I'm gonna give you some advice I gave Viatorus:

"You can almost always make things better with a person if you apologize for the things you did without apologizin' for the things they did. It makes you the bigger person. The burden of bein' the one to apologize next would fall on him, and he'd already be surprised that you were tryin' to patch things up. Now, I don't think he'd ever actually say he's sorry or wrong for whatever reason y'all don't like each other, but... Shoot, I don't know. You might find things go your way if you try and meet the guy half way, whether you think it's right or not."

He tries to smile for her, but he's already predicting the kind of response she's going to have to all of this.

If Harrow thinks she's going to throw more insults, he's... almost right. She crosses her arms in front of her chest and turns her face away from him.

"I refuse to apologize to the creature who tried to kill me and nearly cost me my chance at settling my affairs in my world out of spite."

Oh. So that's why she hates him. Well, he can't exactly argue his way out of that one.

"Outta spite? Not even for a reason?" As much as he'd love to really pry, he's pretty sure she'd stab him for that, and he really doesn't want to have to clean the blood off this shirt of his.

"But... Did you get to set your affairs in order, after all?"

"Yes, spite. To prove I and my world are inferior to him, which is in part where the spite comes from."

She sighs softly. "I was able to get back, but now I have no guarantee that the portal is closed completely. Schön was supposed to take care of that for me, but, well..." Her hands gesture vaguely to the world around them. "This is all different from what I left behind and there are a few people missing."

Harrow laughs awkwardly. "We are kinda beneath him," he admits. "He created a whole other dimension all on his own. His magic gave birth to a race of people that lived there, and he ruled the whole place like a god. He told me that, and I believe it. He's a whole lot more powerful than he lets on, Amelia. Maybe it would be smart to buddy up with him?"

He goes to put a hand on her shoulder but at the very last second remembers her opinion about personal contact. It floats back to his side quickly.

"How about this. Since you two're on bad terms, I'll put in some good words for you? I could talk you up a little, and maybe he'd change his tune? Maybe he'd even help you out? Check to be sure your world's still closed off, weave a little magic for you any time you – "

He stops abruptly and forces a guilty smile. "Shoot, I'm sorry, I forgot you ain't a fan of magic. But, still, I'm sure he could be a good ally for other reasons, if you let him be?"

"I want nothing to do with him." That's as nice as she can be about anything dealing with Naugus right now.

The mention of magic gets a hesitant nod. "I'm not, but I... I want to learn about it. I want to understand it so I don't fear it so much." No ulterior motives whatsoever. Really!

Harrow's eyebrows lower, though not in judgment. He's thinking, squinting at Amelia, rubbing his chin.

"For real?"

And back to the deep, thoughtful stare. This is not the Amelia he first met, but then again, he himself has changed quite a lot since coming to the Nexus.

"Y'know..." he says. "I tried to teach someone magic once. Never found out what she went and did with the knowledge. Not sure how safe I feel thinkin' someone's out there knowin' some of my tricks, but... If you ever wanna see magic? Maybe learn to fight against it? Shoot, I'd teach you a couple'a things. Help you feel less intimidated, less helpless. That sound like somethin' you might be interested in?"

"I want to learn more about it through books first, before I consider learning more through practical application." That's a surprisingly calm answer coming from the rogue who's nearly lost her shit over people even suggesting magic could be useful to her in the past. She seems confident about the answer, though the fear is obviously still there. "But eventually, someday, I think... that would be a good idea. Learning to fight against it seems important in a place like this. And perhaps if I get comfortable enough I could even try to learn to use it...?"

Wait. What?

That's not suspicious at all.

From Harrowheart's perspective? That really isn't suspicious! He even smiles to hear it!

"Aw, Amelia, that's great news! It's so much better to open up your mind to stuff like that, especially since magic's everywhere and it's so helpful! Shoot, girl... First you got a phone, now you're gonna cast some spells... You're really learnin' about the universe!"

He clasps his hands together like he's a proud mother and just spends a few seconds smiling at Amelia. She's changing, that's for sure, and it's so great to see. If only he knew her motivations, then perhaps he'd have different things to say.

"Do you maybe have a field of magic in mind? I do ice and shadow! If you ever wanna know about those I'd be happy to help. Not that I'm a mage, mind. Not like a book-learnin' wizard sort. But you'll learn all about the different kinds of casters and magical creatures out there pretty soon, I'm sure. Mages and shamans and priests and monks and death knights and more!"

The guy's all chitter-chatter now. You've opened up a font of magical BABBLE, Amelia.

Harrow can babble all he wants. While he does, Amelia can make sure to school her expression and keep from letting on more than she's ready to share.

"I don't know if I'll get there," she admits, "but if I learn anything, I want to learn how to protect people with it. Anything that could block incoming attacks - magical or physical - would be helpful. Or things to disable opponents so they no longer have the ability to fight. That's the kind of thing I'd want to learn." Her ~~tanks~~ friends back home would be happy to know she's gained at least a little sense about running head first into a fight.

"The best offense is a good defense, right?" He laughs at his lame-ass attempt at a joke.

"I'll give you a tip, though. Magical defenses ain't really too different from physical ones. There's a way around all of 'em, and sometimes that don't even mean you gotta cast."

He looks Amelia up and down while his hands rub against his upper arms as if he were feeling the chill of the Wintery outdoors.

"You still got any energy left in ya after all that target practice? 'Cause if you want, maybe you could do a little sparrin' against magic right now? See how you feel about it?"

Cinema Theory (Tagging Amelia)

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