westfallcorndog | Friendship, Hardship (Tagging Viatorus)

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viatorus

Friendship, Hardship (Tagging Viatorus)

Days have passed since the last time he saw Viatorus, and when they'd parted it was on such unfortunate terms. He'd threatened violence against a family member, threatened violence against Viatorus's body. His meeting with Doctor Hill had been a difficult if enlightening experience. Confessing all of the things he'd done wrong, explaining out loud the way he'd mistreated his friend, coming to conclusions about himself, his own flaws... It was difficult, emotional work, but somehow he felt better for it all. More pure, more honest. But explaining himself to a psychologist and apologizing to his friend were two entirely different matters.

And Viatorus is his friend. Or so he hopes. He needs to know, but more importantly, he needs to try to set things right.

As impersonal as it feels, he starts with a text.

[Viatorus. I know you may not want to see a message from me but I want to talk to you about everything that happened. I want to say what is on my mind but most importantly I want you to have a chance to say what is on yours.]

[You are a man and you have the right as a man to say you do not want to meet me and I respect that. But if you do want to meet I will be on the steps of the downtown library with the gryphon statues outside all day. If you don't want to reply and don't show up I will understand what that means.]

And, just as he said, he's waiting on the steps of the library. Now and then he checks his phone, but otherwise he seems content to watch the crowds and feed the strange variety of birds with bits of bread he'd brought along.

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Now there's a shock. Harrow blinks hard at Viatorus' unexpected assessment of the situation. He doesn't nod but inclines his head and looks away, eyes cast down at his knees once more.

"I was really scared," he admits in a small voice. "I was scared the minute we got to your home. Isidor laughed at me at breakfast. I don't think she knew I was bein' serious. I was scared all day that someone would threaten my life, or Steve's life, or your life in one of our bodies."

He shrugs one shoulder, shifts his mouth uncertainly from side to side.

"I was scared of the necromancer because I didn't know what he could do. I didn't know if he was an enemy. He didn't listen to Isidor, and I didn't know if she could stop him if he chose to do somethin' to my body just to prove a point. I knew that if he did, Steve'd die, and my body'd die or... Be his slave."

He huffs a humorless laugh and forces a smile for Viatorus. "I'm not unbeatable, you know? There are things that can hurt me. There are things that terrify me, too. I thought that if I... If I convinced him I was strong and scary, that he might back off. That if I said I'd do violent things to him, he'd... I don't know. Maybe he'd believe me and back off? Maybe Steve'd back off too. That's how it works where I come from. When you're scared, you either bluff and someone runs, or you fight and someone dies. But then he called my bluff, and I thought that meant a fight, and..."

He inhales sharply through his nose. "For the first time in a very, very long time... There were reasons that I didn't wanna die. I thought about this beautiful place," he pauses briefly to motion around them. "I thought about all the happiness and freedom from fear I've felt since I came here. I thought about the friends I'd made, and the friends that needed me to keep that fight from happenin'. And for the first time I realized... Wow. There's things I wanna stick around for. There's reasons I can't die. There's finally a good reason for me to live."

He holds his hands out, open, empty palms up. "I made a terrible lie because I thought that you and Isidor'd know I wouldn't do it. But y'all weren't in my head then. You didn't know what I knew. You saw me takin' your body hostage and threatenin' violence. Your sister saw her brother almost die. And I saw Isidor then, and that's when I realized... That's when I knew you two thought I'd do it. You didn't know I couldn't."

Then he rubs at his cheeks, eyes distant, frowning once more. "I thought about my own sister. How she don't want anything to do with me 'cause of... 'Cause of some choices I made before I died. Seein' Isidor shout, watchin' her chase us down... It felt like I was watchin' myself make those bad choices all over again. I regretted it all so deeply the minute I made that awful lie..."

"But it was a lie, Viatorus. I never coulda done it. Not that time. And to you, not ever."

"That's not how it works in my world. People talk and talk, but what they say, how they feel, what they think, what they'll do... are all different things. In my family, there are few crimes greater than breaking the rules of hospitality. If the Necromancer had done anything, the Archon would have punished him even if the gods didn't strike him down." He sighs and shakes his head. "Isidor couldn't calm everyone down at once. Not when everyone was so loud and she thought I was suffocating."

He stares at his hands, trying to keep them still, trying to keep focused. The least he can do is make an attempt to keep his thoughts and words coherent. He takes a deep breath before he speaks. "There are some things we never gamble with. Magic, and each other's lives... We do enough of that while we're researching. You..." He frowns hard, but remains fixed on his hands instead of his friend. "You didn't know if you could control my magic. You could have panicked. That's all it would have taken. A stray thought, a scared impulse... You know magic, and you still... You gambled with your own life, mine, and with magic. Even if you didn't mean to. That wasn't a lie."

Harrow listens, totally quiet and utterly still apart from the shifting of his eyes that watch Viatorus speak. And when he's through, and when there are no words between them, he looks down. With his head hung he nods solemnly.

"You're right," he admits, still nodding.

"I'm used to bein' able to gamble with my own life, I'm used to havin' control of my magic and my body, and I didn't think about the consequences if somethin' went wrong. That ain't what a good person does. That ain't how a good friend acts. But..."

He bites the inside of his lips and winces.

"Viatorus, I understand why you're hurt. I'd understand if you never trusted me again. And I know how selfish this is, but... I want the chance to make it up to you. To prove that you mean more than the way I acted. To be a friend to you not for your money or your magic or your name, but to see you laugh and learn to joke, to give you help when you're strugglin' through hard times, and to share the pride and joy of your accomplishments."

"I know that we weren't friends too long before I did... What I did. But when I sat with you in the park and helped you calm down, helped talk you through your troubles, I felt... Good. Not just happy, but like I really could be good. Like I could be somethin' more than was expected of me, more than I was made and taught to be."

With a tiny, hopeful laugh he says, "That's probably as close as I'll ever get to knowin' what it feels like when you dreamwalk."

He tries to put on a smile, but the regret he feels shows in his eyes.

"I know you feel like it's your job to fix folks, but please don't think about this like that. You gotta make the choice for yourself, whether or not it sits right with you to put all this behind us. And y'know what? If you decide you can't forgive this or don't wanna see me again, I'll still be proud of you for makin' your own choice."

Viatorus gradually turns his head to look at Harrowheart the more he speaks. The hesitation is clear on his face, though he gives the other his full attention. Isidor's furious ravings on the matter still ring in his ears, but... Harrowheart's words come across as earnest, genuine. They make everything so confusing, encouraging his heart to disagree with his head.

At this stage, his fingers are twisting quite a bit and he occasionally nibbles on his lower lip. "I liked it too," he admits quietly. "I've never had someone other than Isidor help me like that before. A-And you didn't try to... try to convince me to act according to my station."

"You... You've been good to me as you've been bad." He looks back at his hands. "I guess that's the nature of balance. Light and dark, good and bad. But... learning is what's important. You learned last time, and this time. You know what you did, and why, and what the consequences where, and why." This time he looks more questioning than worried, which is a small success. "I believe that what you do with the lesson matters more than how you learned it."

"I... I think you do good things with the lessons you learn. Or you try to."

Harrowheart tries not to look too terribly relieved at what he hears. It's made marginally easier by how understanding and knowledgeable Viatorus is being.

"I don't know what to say, except... Thank you." Normally admitting something he's at a loss for words comes with an expression of guilt or hesitance, but on the contrary Harrowheart is smiling. He's lost his words in the best of ways, and every hint of regret that darkened his eyes is gone, leaving only honest relief and a touch of hopeful worry.

"Y'know? I feel like you got as many lessons for me as I got for you." He shakes his head, smiling at the thought "I'm relieved to hear you say everything you said, but I'm humbled, too. I will do better. I'll do good with the lessons I learn, Viatorus. I'll be good, and we'll help each other learn, and we'll have a good future together, you and me as pals."

Harrow rubs his hands together absently and shakes his head once more. With a forced little laugh he says, "Now I gotta figure out how to explain this all to Isidor. You said she doesn't want you near me, and I wanna respect her wishes 'cause she's your family and she loves you, but that means I gotta change her opinion. Again. Does she know you're here now? You think she'd be mad if she found out?"

Even with the events of their last meeting, Viatorus can't help but smile slightly when he sees Harrowheart brighten. It's an honest gratitude that he sees, one that Viatorus simply doesn't have the energy or inclination to be sceptical about.

"I hope so," he says quietly. "I would hate to be unable to return anything."

At the mention of Isidor, his brow knits again and he looks over to Lyall. The guard has been keeping a closer eye on Harrowheart than their surroundings, unlike last time. The reminder of his sister's opinion gets a small, worried exhale. "She's going to know, and she's going to be angry." Viatorus looks at Harrowheart again. "She was scared too. She could have handled Steve or the Necromancer, but... what you did scared her so much. She's furious. At you, at herself... I can try to talk to her, but I don't know if she'll listen."

Harrow looks to Lyall too, and though his first inclination is to frown at the way he's being watched, he keeps his wits about him and instead offers a smile, half-hearted and guilty though it may be. He waves, but otherwise remembers that Lyall's meant to be ignored, and so he quickly returns his attention to Viatortus.

"I ain't gonna make you talk to her and get on her bad side like that. For better or worse, I'll talk to her myself. If not, I could always take my own advice and write a letter, huh? I could write it up quick and give it to you before you go home tonight? Then meet her later and talk it out face to face."

He rubs at his chin then, feels the shape of his jaw, and as he thinks his eyes narrow. "Would it be underhanded to apologize in y'all's mansion? She'd have to... Y'know... Obey Xena? Xenia? Hospitality? She'd have to be gracious, right? But shoot, that seems so unfair... What do you think, man?"

"It would be easier to be in one of my apartments. Then, yes, she would have to obey xenia, as a guest if not a host." Viatorus goes quiet as he considers the options before them. "I would rather speak face to face with Isidor, always. You can see her emotion, you can see... her. With a letter... she might carefully tear you apart word by word. And you're harder to ignore in person. Harder to dismiss. And it's easier for you to apologise. Easier for her to see how genuine you are."

After another moment, he sighs and shrugs. "I can only give my opinion. You should do what you think is best."

Harrowheart rubs his chin and feels the shape of his jawline as he squints in thought at all he's been told.

"I'll talk to her face to face," he says determinedly. "I ain't afraid, even though I probably oughta be, and I think you and I both agree it's right. I'll apologize to her like I did to you. I'll be honest, and I won't fight with her, but I'll try and make her see things differently."

A few more seconds' thought and he asks, "Are there rules for keepin' with xenia when you make an apology?" He glances over his shoulder at the library behind them, then returns his attention to Viatorus. "You think maybe I should read up on it?"

"I'll help you however I can, but I don't think it will be easy," Viatorus warns gently.

"Xenia is about being a good host and a polite guest. The main rules are that a host should be courteous and provide their guest with food, drink and anything they need, within reason of course. A guest should not overburden their host and not be rude." He follows Harrowheart's gaze back to the library. "It's not necessary to research it, but... it might help. Old rules carry sway with old families."

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Friendship, Hardship (Tagging Viatorus)

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Sounds like Harrowheart's having a Scrooge moment

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