Harrowheart (
westfallcorndog) wrote2018-01-14 09:42 am
Entry tags:
Here Because of You (For Isidor)
It's only been a few days since returning to the Nexus from Tamriel, but Harrowheart can't stop worrying about Isidor. She came out alive from everything they saw, but it's what they saw that worries him. He remembers what it's like, of course he does. How utterly unsettling it is to be a living person faced with monstrosities like that. The fear of it has faded with time, but he still remembers how sickening it all was the first time he saw the Scourge.
He pulls his phone from his pocket and his first thought is, 'Fuck me.' He still doesn't have Isidor's number. This is getting to be bullshit. Viatorus is going to start getting wise to how often he asks to spend time with his sister, and then the whole thing is going to come tumbling down. At least this time he has the excuse of an 'adventure' to cover for him.
Good, good cover. And honest, too. The last time they did anything interesting was when they went fishing, and after everything on Tamriel that feels like a lifetime ago. A little casual time with Viatorus would be great right about now.
He expects Viatorus will pull through for him. Of course he will. That's why he's already in the clearing lying on top of the picnic bench, his runeblade resting on the ground beneath it. Nothing here has changed since the last time she arrived, apart from the turn of the seasons... And the little area of ground that she flattened for a fighting ring. It seems Harrowheart expanded on her work, turning a circle of flat pounded ground into a large square of hard-packed dirt.
He pulls his phone from his pocket and his first thought is, 'Fuck me.' He still doesn't have Isidor's number. This is getting to be bullshit. Viatorus is going to start getting wise to how often he asks to spend time with his sister, and then the whole thing is going to come tumbling down. At least this time he has the excuse of an 'adventure' to cover for him.
V my man how are you doing? Are people being nice to you? Do I need to beat Peenia or Sajean up for you? Anyone at all? And when are we hanging out next?Good, good cover. And honest, too. The last time they did anything interesting was when they went fishing, and after everything on Tamriel that feels like a lifetime ago. A little casual time with Viatorus would be great right about now.
How is your sister? I need to talk to her about things that happened. Do you think you can get her in touch with me? If she can meet me tell her to come to the clearing where we worked on magic training.He expects Viatorus will pull through for him. Of course he will. That's why he's already in the clearing lying on top of the picnic bench, his runeblade resting on the ground beneath it. Nothing here has changed since the last time she arrived, apart from the turn of the seasons... And the little area of ground that she flattened for a fighting ring. It seems Harrowheart expanded on her work, turning a circle of flat pounded ground into a large square of hard-packed dirt.

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When her cheeks turn red his smile twists up into something knowing, but he's patiently quiet until her story is done. Only when it's his turn to speak does he suggest, "Sounds like Little Isidor had her first crush." As much as he's amused by it he seems to mean it.
He sits in silence for a short while, sips his coffee, and watches Isidor warmly. "She was your lady role model, wasn't she? Maybe someday you can be the Clarisa that some other little girl needs. Viatorus' children, maybe."
A few more seconds of quiet thought and his placid smile turns mischievous. He sets his mug down on the table and stands, then turns around and lifts up his chair as casually as one can. He moves it to a far edge of the room, clearing a little bit of space.
"Let's dance," he suggests as he goes in for the table. He's got to lift this with a little more finesse to avoid spilling any coffee. His attention flicks between his feet and the coffee as he slowly takes the table to where he'd left his chair. Once it's out of his hands he mimes dusting his palms and smiles at her.
"Or should I say, teach me how to be your dance partner." He returns to her to offer an outstretched hand still warm like the living from the mug he'd held.
Will he make a fool out of himself for the second time since being invited to her apartment, or will she take him up on his offer?
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Her eyes snap into focus when Harrowheart stands and she sits up, ready to help her guest with whatever he needs. Which is... to rearrange her furniture. She frowns as she watches him, trying to understand what he's doing and why. He doesn't keep her confused for long, soon offering her his hand.
Isidor blanches, looking from Harrowheart to his hand and then back again. She sits forward, holding her breath, lips half-parted... and then she sits back again with a sigh and looks away, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I... I don't think I can." She's silent for a minute, looking everywhere but Harrowheart even when she speaks up again. "When I dance it's because I have a fire inside me. Right now I... I just feel empty."
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"Now I know how you feel," he mumbles aloud, then pulls back his hand to scrub it across his mouth and chin.
When his hand drops to his side again he lowers himself to his knees so that he's nearly on level with Isidor. He crosses his arms and rests them lightly on her knees. He looks up at her and begins to speak but finds that the words don't come easily. Not when he's distracted by her face, anyway. Unable to stay posed like he was he moves to rest his back beside her legs against her chair. His nearest arm lightly loops around her calves and he heaves a sigh.
"It's hard to hear you don't feel right, or good. And... It's scary to think that maybe I can't fix it. When I know you're not happy but I don't know what to do about it, don't know how to make it better, I feel..." Another sigh and a quiet scoff. "Like a failure."
He has to turn around now, has to look her in the face again. He untangles his arm from her legs and rests his elbow on her knee as he props himself up to keep her in his sight. "Not just with this empty feelin', but with all the empty feelings you get. Like the expectations your family puts on you, or when you're scared for Viatorus, or when you want–"
He stops short. Pauses. Tries to force a smile that comes out as a guilty wince. "When I want to hold your hand in public and hope you want that too, but even if you did we both know we can't. Problems like that. Things that get to hurt you that I can't fight off. I'm still figurin' out how to deal with that."
He returns to sitting with his back against the couch. "When your fire's out and you're empty inside, what do I do to fix that?" Rhetorical. He knows neither of them know. It's an accident when a huff of a half-humorless laugh passes his lips. "Light the fireplace," he jokes. He turns his head and grins hopefully at her.
"And maybe do a dance you gotta be empty inside to do? You said you didn't care for ballroom, huh? Well, teach me that. We'll do our empty-inside dance together, until maybe bein' with each other is enough to make that feelin' go away."
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If she had any answers she would give them to him, but she doesn't. Instead she stays quiet and listens to him think aloud. What a mess she is. What a mess she's dragged him into.
At the suggestion of a ballroom dance she makes a conscious effort to turn her forlorn expression into a sceptical one. There's even a hint of a smile. "You'll be bored. It's boring."
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Using his silver lighter he gets a little spark going in the fireplace, then quickly retracts his hand. He's making progress here tonight, he's not looking to get burnt.
In the open space he's created in her apartment he stands before her, and that's about as far as his confidence takes him. He suddenly isn't sure what to do with any part of himself, and so stands in front of Isidor with his back straight, his heels together, and his hands folded. He is ready to do the Gentlemanly Activity.
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"You look like a soldier," she tells him. "Here..." Stepping up close, Isidor gently pulls his hands apart, placing one on her shoulder blade and keeping the other in her hand. She rests her other hand on his arm, checks their position and then starts explaining. "The waltz is the first dance I was ever taught. The basics are six steps, don't worry we'll go slowly."
She runs him through stepping forward with his left foot, bringing his right foot forward as he steps to the side and then putting his feet together again. Then it's just a matter of doing the reverse, stepping back with his right foot, bringing his left back and stepping to the side before bringing their feet together again. "Simple enough?"
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She walks him through the steps and asks if it's simple, but his reply is only a watery laugh. It's only six steps, it's got to be simple! Except not when you've never done it. He has to repeat it a few times, eyes on the ground to be sure he doesn't step on her feet. Light, but she knows this so much better than him. Every time he's sure he's going to trample her she's already out of the way.
He starts counting his steps as he goes, humming wordless little 'one, two, three' beats that soon grow slower, fall into time with the music. Having the song to guide him helps him keep his pace, but he still feels the need to check his feet with every change of direction.
"I wish I woulda gone home and gotten that fancy outfit of mine," he finally says, punctuating it with a small smile. "We coulda pretended we were dancin' like this at your brother's party." He checks his feet and then it's back to her face.
"When do I get to dip you?" he asks, his eyes bright with expectation. "The man dips the lady in a dance like this, right? Or do we do that twirl? You know the kind, where we spread arm's length apart and come back together?"
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"Well… You need to learn how to rise and fall as you step, first." Yes, Isidor, distract him quickly. "You rise and fall as you waltz. Like this…" She demonstrates, bending her knees to dip on one step and straightening them again on the next. "The dance is meant to have a graceful, gliding effect. After you get the hang of that we can talk about dips and twirls."
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The first time he falls too deeply, but he quickly finds his rhythm. He feels himself succeeding and his look of concentration turns to a small smile.
As he repeats the steps his hum-counting turns into an actual song. A familiar tune about a tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme...
His humming turns to quiet singing. "Just a little change." It's the perfect cadence to count his steps as he leads her in large circle. "Small to say the least..." He glances at his feet and looks back with a smile that poorly hides the way his cheeks darken.
"Barely even friends, then somebody bends..." He starts like he's going to dip her, moving in close with his hand tight against her back to brace her. She hardly drops an inch before he straightens again, laughing so quietly. "Unexpectedly!"
It wouldn't be fair to surprise her like that, but it's too fun not to scare her just a bit. He winks before he continues their boring waltz. "Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, beauty and the beast."
He glances out the window, then back to Isidor. "Just like in the movie, huh?"
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No sooner has she blinked at him in curious shock than he almost, almost bends her. An audible gasp slips past her lips and her grip tightens, but then they both straighten and they continue dancing. She's still trying to decide what to say when he finishes his song and asks her a question.
She blinks at him and fumbles for an answer. "Um. Yes? I... never saw the movie." Ah, there, she can look at him strangely again. That's a familiar feeling. "You've watched Earth movies?"
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"I watch all sorts of Earth movies, sure. I like most of 'em a lot. It's better than readin' for sure, 'cause I can sit back and have a story told to me without worryin' about how long it takes me to finish a book."
A few more steps and, curious, he asks, "You don't watch movies, then? Not at all? No television or nothin'? Too busy, I bet. You should try it sometime."
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"I do watch television, when I get the chance... It's just..." She sighs and steps away from Harrowheart so that she can pick up the remote. At the press of a button there's a quiet hum as the painting above the fireplace lifts away to reveal a television screen. Isidor waits, a hand on her hip until it's done, and then she turns to Harrowheart. "I like things to be tidy."
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Eventually he turns to face Isidor with wide eyes and parted lips. He stares, stock still, and waits... Until in a burst of motion he points at Isidor and in an excited whisper asks, "What other cool shit you got around here?"
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Isidor hums and casts her eye around the room. Walking to the couch she slides back a section of the armrest to reveal a grooved wooden panel with USB slots. "That's for charging your phone or laptop," she explains. Moving to the shelves she presses a discreet button and panels shift, parting and lowering until books are replaced with a fine looking drinks cabinet.
Only once she's finished watching him take in those does she move to a space in front of the windows. She kneels, presses her palm to the floor and then rises again. As she stands part of the floor twists and lifts until a small pillar has risen out of the ground. Isidor flips the top to reveal a silver dish and then looks back to Harrowheart. "There are more, but a girl's got to have a few secrets, right?"
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He grips her arm and whispers, "Isidor, this place is so cool!" He laughs in amazement as he looks around the room with a renewed sense of wonder. When he's looking at Isidor again he elbows her gently and jokes, "Hope you always wanted a roommate, 'cause I just decided I live here now."
Then he points to the silver dish, then remembers his manners and instead gestures with an open palm. "Is that for rituals? Divination, like you did back at Naugus' tower? Oh, oh! If you do magic here, I bet you got a little shrine to your goddess, don't you? Can I leave her a little somethin' when I make din--"
He stops mid-sentence, stares, and whispers, "Kitchen." He must see it...
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There's a flurry of words that tumble excitedly out of Harrowheart's mouth, and although Isidor struggles a little to keep up, at least it's keeping her distracted... She seizes upon the brief silence to take a breath. "Yes, it's for magic like divination. Yes, I have a shrine." A longer pause, and then she gestures to the door she came from when she had coffee in hand. "And the kitchen is through there."
Through that door is a small space of sleek steel, glass and smooth black cupboards. The oven cooker and the sink are the easiest things to spot, but everything else seems hidden within the flawless dark doors. There are a handful of fresh herbs and fruit out on the counter, but even they look like they fell out of a magazine. A little exploring will find the fan that pulls out above the gas cooker, the fridge and freezer, the narrow pillar that slides out racks of neatly organised food, the set of kitchen knives that sit inside each other... Anything that can be made more efficient is more efficient. The coffee maker, kettle and microwave all slide easily out of cupboards, and back in, to keep everything orderly.
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His amusement doesn't fade as he follows Isidor into her kitchen, which is a bit of a mystery at first glance. There's the Earth-style oven and the sink, sure, but where is everything else? When he first begins opening cabinets it's with the shyness of a guest who's afraid to appear rude. He gains confidence as he goes, though, and when he's now and then surprised by fixtures (Look! The refrigerator is even in a cabinet!) he has to point and smile broadly. What, like she's never seen it before?
The microwave he meets with a strange lack of recognition. He's sure Viatorus has one of these, but he isn't sure what, exactly, it does. He reads the buttons, opens up the door, feels around inside. My, there's a little glass plate at the bottom that rolls! Interesting, interesting. He leans in closely to look at it and finds that the insides offer no clues to its use. There's no obvious source of heat, and it isn't cold inside (he thinks?).
Oh, but then it becomes so obvious what it is! He closes the door and smiles with such smug knowingness. He presses the 'potato' button, crosses his arms, and waits. And waits. And... Hmm. That's an awfully long timer. With a dismissive flop of his hand he presses 'Cancel.'
"We'll conjure your potato later. I wanna see your bathroom."
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The decision to put the microwave on with nothing in it gets a raised eyebrow, which is joined by her other eyebrow when he talks about summoning a potato. What does he think the microwave is, exactly? She decides she can lecture him later.
After double checking that the microwave is indeed stopped, she waves at him to follow her into the next room. "Do you always want to explore every inch of a place?"
She leads him to the main bathroom which keeps in theme with the rest of the house. White tiles are bright against dark grey stone and flashes of deep, warm wood give the spacious bathroom some life. There is a large shower and a free standing bath. It looks like there is very little in this room apart from the neatly folded towels. The mirror is a cabinet, and seamless drawers are part of the table supporting the sink.
As with the kitchen, Isidor stands back to let him explore. "There are shelves in the shower, too, but I don't have visitors round very often so there's not much in here."
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In the bathroom Harrowheart runs his hand over the rim of the bath. As he heads for the shower he says, "First time I ever saw indoor plumbing was in the Nexus. When I was growin' up we had to draw water from the well to fill up the bath. Then we heated it over a fire, and then we put it in the tub. Took a real long time to get clean that way. But the weather's warm enough in Westfall, so usually we went down to the creek and cleaned up there." He pats the edge of the bath and says, "I think the Earth way is better."
And then... The shower. He pokes his head in and observes where the water is going to come out when he inevitably tests the handle. Even though he knows the water is going to flow as a consequence of doing so he's still startled by it when it kicks on. He tenses, then quickly slams the handle to the 'off' position. He tries to hide his shame with a laugh.
"I've only ever had one shower before," he admits. "When I was in Steve's body and we all spent the night at Viatorus' apartment in the Nexus. It was a real nice experience in a livin' person's body, except for the part where the steam made me – him? – cough."
He looks between the shower and Isidor. The shower... And Isidor. He very clearly wants to ask something, but his shyness gets the better of him and he only quietly laughs.
When he gets to the door he pauses. "What do you say we get back to the kitchen and I make you dinner? We can crack open some of that alcohol you got, and I won't use it as an excuse to compliment you even once. We'll distract you from bad thoughts with a movie or a blunt, and then you'll head to bed. And I'll..." He looks around, shrugs, and smiles. "Wander around like a ghost and try not to scare you?"
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"That sounds... idyllic." And cold, and distinctly lacking in privacy. But she's not going to add those things and ruin a nice memory.
It's even stranger to see Harrowheart jumping at the shower. Seeing him so bewildered at all of this is starting to make her realise that there are quite a lot of things he really doesn't know about. She can't help but wonder if that makes her responsible here. Suddenly him being here to keep her safe feels somewhat uncomfortable. His awkward looks and shy laughter snap her out of her thoughts and she narrows her eyes at him suspiciously as he approaches.
Isidor laughs in surprise. "A blunt?" Her? She really must not be giving off her usual vibe for him to suggest that. Shaking her head in disbelief, she starts towards the kitchen. "Dinner is an idea, but... I don't have much in. We can order take away instead?"
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"Take away! I like it, I like it. Just no... Salads, or nothin' like that. I spent enough time suckin' the life outta plants on Tamriel. I want somethin' good. Somethin' tasty. Greasy. Good Earth food. You know what's around here, right? Pick somethin', surprise me."
He removes his arm from her shoulder. "I'll go fix up your livin' room furniture. And... maybe while we wait for the food you can... Lemme see your bedroom?"
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Glad she has an idea of what to get, she starts towards the kitchen as soon as she's free. Only for her to stop in her tracks when he casually brings up her bedroom. Gods, has she even tidied it?
She turns around and looks him square in the eyes. "The moment you step into my bedroom you will be incinerated with all the force of twenty wards." She lets that sink in, and without so much as a twitch of her lips, turns around again and heads into the kitchen to get a menu and order their food.
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He has to clear his throat before can turn back, but just when he's looking her way she fixes him with such a stare that he's positive she's going to reprimand him. And then she says... That. If his face could go any paler it would. Her look is returned with a wide-eyed stare of his own. Like a fish gasping for water he flaps his jaw pointlessly.
And then she's gone! She just fucks off and leaves him like that!
It's a few seconds before he hesitantly calls after her, "So... We're sleepin' together on the couch tonight, then?..."
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Order done, she gets them some beers and brings them in. She lets Harrowheart explore the many channels on the television while they wait. It's relaxing to be able to let someone else choose what goes on, even if his taste is a little questionable. When the doorbell rings she's soon coming back to lay out the small feast. Although the quality is peculiarly good, the spread consists mostly of burgers, chips and onion rings. Harrowheart gets a kebab and a burger with chicken, beef and bacon in it, while Isidor tackles a large beef burger of her own. Try as she might to be refined about it, there just isn't a nice way to eat food like this. Isidor just reties her hair and tries not to spill anything.
Suitably fed, Isidor clears away their rubbish to the kitchen, brings out some chocolates for them, and proceeds to lounge on the couch. At this point she's so sleepy it's hard not to be relaxed, which makes her sprawling all the more natural. She doesn't protest whatever Harrowheart chooses to put on, though she does make a comment about him possibly enjoying a wolf documentary. Soon, however, with the blissful simplicity of television and the drowsiness of a warm home and full belly, Isidor leans against Harrowheart and settles in for the night.
She doesn't notice herself falling asleep. It feels like an age since she's felt safe and comfortable enough to simply drift to sleep. And she is so tired... It turns out that's the easy part. In the world of dreams she doesn't have a friend to hug her, or a television to distract her. Even the freeing effect of the beer doesn't follow her here. Rather the opposite, in fact. She's trapped with pieces of memory, twisted recollections of wretched things. On the couch she starts with distressed mumbling, twisting and turning, trying to escape from her mind in the physical world. It only gets worse and the panic in her dreams is mimicked as she starts to whimper and flail loud, but slow, like she's moving through a swamp. Finally, with a gasp, she jolts upwards, gasping and crying, pushing away anything nearby. That's when she feels the body underneath her and turns to see ice cold lights in a dead face. It's when he eyes drift down to his arms, to the point they end without their hands, that she startles again. Desperately trying to move through her sleepy haze, her head spins frantically this way and that as she moves. She only manages to get from the couch to the floor, closer to the fire where she has to stop to try and breathe through shallow, sporadic gasps.
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Then Isidor starts to mutter, so he holds her closer. His breath chills her ear when he whispers to hush her, but it doesn't help. Her struggles get stronger and his tight hold only seems to make it worse. Suddenly she sits up and as he quickly jerks away he fearfully whispers, "Isidor!"
She's crying as she beats against his chest in her scramble to escape, but suddenly stops. He watches in slack-jawed worry as she turns to look him in the face, and he can already sense her fear at the sight of him. But then she sees his wrists, and his chest tightens when he knows exactly what she's thinking.
When she escapes he lets her, but the sound of her hitting the floor jars him from his guilty stupor. "I-Isidor..." The concern he wants to feel doesn't come with his words. He drops to his knees to be with her on the ground even as his hands are already gripping her shoulders and pawing at her face, patting her, smoothing out her hair. "Isidor, Isidor," he tries in a whisper. "You're home. It's me. Isidor..."
But he won't get closer. His hands can stay on her, if she'll let them, but he can't come any closer. Not with her looking at him like she did. Not with her so close to the fire.
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